July and August 2008 Newsletter

Thank you

Thank you to Toni Horn for her love gift in memory of her son, William Pelsara, (7/23/1978 - 6/26/1999).

Toni submitted this poem in 2004 and I published it in the December 2004 newsletter. I noticed that William would be 30 years old on July 23, 2008 and I felt it appropriate to publish the poem once again. As I compile this newsletter, Toni is approaching the 9th anniversary of William's death. I hope that Toni is finding healing along the way. I agree, it will "never be the same". Fondly, Theresa

It's Just Not the Same

I can talk, I can walk, I can smile, I can laugh

Now, it's just not the same

I carried you inside of me

If you don't do that, you cannot see

My baby, my buddy, my sweet little boy

I bathed you, I fed you, and put on your clothes

I watched what you did every step of the road

Now, it's just not the same

I'm your Mom, the protector of all

If I were there with you, you could not take a fall

Well, one morning real early

You were taken away

I was there and I saw, I was helpless, I hate to say

Now, it's just not the same

Your friends came in droves, family too as it goes

I was not by your side, unable to take the ride

The questions don't stop

Why, how, what if, then the tears

I could do that for years

You went up to heaven that hot summer morn

And a piece of my heart went with you, it was torn

I try really hard to go on every day

It's so hard without you

I don't know how to say

Now, it's just not the same

Dads, they love, brothers and sisters too

But a child and a mom have a bond you can't break through

I'll be with you again, when it's my time to be

So I hold onto that, you will look and see me

Now, it's just not the same

~ Toni Horn, TCF Leesburg

in memory of her son, William

A Note from the editor

I can remember back to November 2003 when my husband and I went to our first TCF meeting. It had been six weeks since the untimely death of our 21 year old son, Adam. He died from an accidental drug overdose and I was notified at my front door by two plain clothed police officers. My husband was at work, one daughter was at college and our two younger children were at school. I was just getting ready to walk outside to meet the school bus on that beautiful fall day. The doorbell rang. I hurried to the door, opened it and recall hearing "Are you Mrs. Heitz?". I will never forget the words that I heard that afternoon of Spetember 25, 2003. A beautiful day turned dark in a matter of moments.

A couple of weeks into our "nightmare", I found a copy of the Washington Post opened on the ottoman in our living room. I glanced at the paper and focused in on the word "grief". I read the ad for the TCF meetings, called the leader and our "grief journey" began. We nervously arrived at the church on the first Wednesday of November in 2003 to find a power outage at the church. The leaders, Donna and Ralph Goodrich, graciously offered their home and several Leesburg members ventured to Ashburn for an emotional two hour meeting. We began attending the monthly meetings, looking forward to being with others who understood the magnitude of our grief. The only place I felt "normal".

In June 2004, my husband and I volunteered to be the newsletter editors. My husband helped for a few months, but then I found that I was the one who usually found the time to compile the newsletter. I would need several hours each month to compile the newsletter. I have read endless topics pertaining to the loss of a child and I tried to vary the information included in our Leesburg page. I always welcomed contributions from our members, however, the newly bereaved rarely have the energy to express their grief in writing, consequently, many of you have read my own contributions over the years. I hope that I opened the door to allow others the freedom to speak about our not so "perfect" child. The child who was loved just as much as any other. The child who had a great childhood and then in young adulthood, made choices that ultimately ended his or her life.

We, The Compassionate Friends, strive to be understanding of each situation. For four years, I have shared about Adam at the meetings and through the newsletter. I graciously thank you for this valuable opportunity. At this point in my life, I would like to ask someone else to take this lead. Please email me at  theresaheitz@msn.com and I will give you more details. Until then, I wish you all healing, one day at a time.

Peace,

Theresa Heitz, TCF Leesburg Editor

Forever in loving memory of Adam 6/24/82 - 9/25/03