June 2008 Newsletter Healing Versus Recovery I have heard the terms recovery and healing used interchangeably to refer to the goal of processing grief. I would like to propose the idea that recovery carries with it the assumption of an injury or illness and that when the necessary repair has taken place, the person will return to basically the same person he was previous to the injury or illness. When a child dies, there is, indeed, an injury of massive proportions. All systems - physical, mental and spiritual - are affected. There is physical pain, emotional retching, spiritual upheaval, and struggling. All this may be occurring simultaneously. Though there may not be bleeding in the physical sense, there is emotional hemorrhaging. The body and psyche are in crisis. Bereaved parents are often unable to eat; they may experience sleep disturbances and disorientation. Believe it or not, all these reactions are normal. Grief is a normal part of life. This is not a mental illness or some chemical imbalance of the brain. What is not normal is to experience the death of a child. The major difference between recovery and healing is that the goal is not to return to who we were before our child died. That goal is impossible to achieve. To continue to try to achieve a goal of recovery is to assume that life will be basically the same with a few minor adjustments. We'll set one less place at the table, buy less food, feel sad on holidays, and cry a bit more. But our lives have been permanently and irrevocably changed, and we are, in fact, becoming different people. The becoming is the healing. During the process, we examine every facet of our lives and our belief systems. This is a journey, not a "repair". By living through this journey, we become different people. True, we basically look the same but we are not the same as before our child died. We look at life in a new way. Our interests change and our priorities change. We will never look at a child the same way again. We have a new and deeper level of understanding and compassion for those experiencing pain - all kinds of pain. We have a different understanding of spirituality. We carry some of the old person with us through the healing process, but we emerge different. We are healed, not recovered. ~ Bridie Tracy, TCF, Shoreline Chapter, CT “Relevant to the paucity of English to describe certain terms, we have NEWS Burton and Julie Simonds are spending much time and effort getting our website up and running, Please take a moment to visit www.tcfleesburg.org. We welcome you to add your child to the "Our Children" section. Please email webmaster@tcfleesburg.org with any suggestions. We would like to link our monthly newsletter to the website which will include your child in a "Children Remembered" page. If you do not wish for your child to be on this page, please email the webmaster at the above address as soon as possible. Thank you. We appreciate Love Gifts. Thank you Becky Reeder for the donation in memory of your son, Jeremy. A Lesson in Grammar If you are like me....I don't want anybody to quibble with me about whether my son's birthday is or was November 20th, because (a) it is, and (b) it was, and (c) it will always be....and as to whether I have or had two children, because (a) I do, and (b) I did, and (c) I always will have. ~ Mary Cleckley, TCF, Atlanta What I've Learned Since I Last Held Your Hand - Cemeteries don't scare me anymore - I live the best I can - I cannot expect to be always understood - Making time to cry is important - The starts seem closer to me now - A friend who can cry with me is worth more than gold - Remember to tell those you love, "I love you", often - Butterflies are peaceful and calm; taking time to watch them brings comfort - Living life is like viewing a morning glory - you have to be wanting and waiting to see the beauty ~Alice J. Wisler, In memory of Daniel Wisler |
|||
 |
The Compassionate Friends Leesburg Chapter |
|
|
|
|