The Compassionate Friends Leesburg Chapter

 

 

We greatly appreciate a love gift from Kay Turley and Roger Lavallee, grandparents of Paige Mackenzie Johnson.

 

 

Before we lost our children to death, Mother’s Day was a happy time. We each reflect back on Mother’s Days past…...gifts, cards, special memories and one day set aside to acknowledge the best in our relationship with our treasured children.

 

With the death of our child, this dynamic was forever transfigured. Now, instead of looking forward to this day, we grasp at anything that will keep our minds away from it. Yet the anxiety still creeps into our minds and hearts; our stomachs churn and tears fill our eyes at the most inopportune moments. The dreadful countdown begins in late April and lasts for nearly three weeks.

 

This is the fifth Mother’s Day I have endured since the death of my son. Each year I have the same, desperate anxiety, yet each year the day is a bit easier to handle. Each year the anticipation is far worse than the day itself…. “borrowing trouble” as my dad would say. Since my son is my only child, I do not have the comfort of other children nor do I have the need to put on a happy face. Instead, I am able to choose what I will do without feeling the burden of guilt.

 

While my first Mother’s Day was filled with tears, subsequent Mother’s Days have been more subdued. The choice to embrace or ignore Mother’s Day is yours alone. Many bereaved mothers adopt a new perspective, one which honors their child and still gives normalcy to their family. Mother’s Day is bittersweet for us. The pain is part of the love that we will feel for our children for eternity. We wouldn’t trade one treasured moment for a cosmic reduction of our pain. Some of us plan the day carefully. Some of us just “go with the flow.” Some of us weep; some of us work. Some of us read, some of us revel in this special moment set-aside just for mothers. Each of us makes a choice that is based on our own truth.

 

The day itself is not nearly as overwhelming as the buildup of anxiety and sadness which precedes it. I have found this to be true of all holidays, birthdays, death anniversaries and special occasions. I am trying to live in the moment. When the moment of Mother’s Day happens, I will decide what I should do. I refuse to let others pressure me. I refuse to become maudlin over greeting card commercials and heart-grabbing point-of-purchase marketing efforts. I will not be manipulated by the agenda of others.

 

But on Mother’s Day, as on each day of the year, I will think of my son, remembering the child he was and the man he became. I will honor his life by doing the best I can with what is left of my life. I will remain in the moment and treasure my memories. And for this mother, that is enough.

 

Annette Mennen Baldwin

In memory of my son, Todd Mennen

TCF, Katy, TX

 

 

I wish you a gentle Mothers’s Day

For I know what you feel

 

I know how you miss your child

Your heart I wish I could heal

 

For those who lost an only child

I know your pain today

 

For I once walked in your shoes

My tears fell like rain

 

I know your hearts so very much

My heart feels the same

 

We’ll always miss our child

On every Mother’s Day

 

God Bless each and every one of you.

 

Sharon Bryant, Andy’s Mom