LOVE GIFTS We greatly appreciate the donations made to the Leesburg Chapter of The Compassionate Friends in memory of your loved one. These tax-deductible contributions help our chapter with the expense of the newsletter, additions to our lending library and other needs, in order that we may help bereaved families in our community. Please see inside front cover for address information. Checks payable to TCF Leesburg Remembering Your Child’s Room Often parents are overwhelmed with cleaning up their child’s room. What do I do with all of his/her things? How and when do I do I pack it up? What do I do with everything? Many parents have taken pictures of their child’s room like it was when their child died. The uniqueness of the room can be preserved on video or in pictures as a tangible reminder of the way it “used to be.” Even if you never look at them again, the security of knowing you won’t forget a little piece of your child’s life can make a difference. It has also been suggested that bereaved parents wait about a year before deciding what belongings to keep and what to share with others. Many have found this to be good advice. Early grief is not a good time to make any major decisions. If possible, give it some time. A Poem We can shed tears because they’re gone, We can close our eyes and pray that they will come back, Our hearts can be empty because we cannot see them, We can turn our back on tomorrow and live for yesterday, We can remember them and only that they are gone, We can cry and close our minds, be empty and turn our back, Healing After Loss by Martha Whitmore Hickman People in mourning have to come to grips with death before they can live again. Mourning can go on for years and years. It doesn't end after a year, that's a false fantasy. It usually ends when people realize that they can live again, that they can concentrate their energies on their lives as a whole, and not on their hurt, and guilt and pain.
SHADOWS OF MY GRIEF The following was lifted from the Atlanta Online Newsletter. Each day there is an excerpt from Healing After Loss by Martha Whitmore Hickman. A theme may seem to have been put aside, but it keeps returning - the same thing modulated, somewhat changed in form. We find reminders everywhere. Not only the anniversaries, one week, one month, a birthday, one year - but the swing of a stranger's shoulders, the line of a cheekbone, or the tilt of a head. Events we went to together, songs we shared, foods we both liked - or disliked -all trigger our emotions. Our life is strewn with these memory buttons that, when touched, plunge us into sorrow. We need to give these reminders their due - Yes, I recognize you. Yes, you remind me of my loss. But as we grow stronger we can exercise some choice in the matter and, after an initial tender acknowledgment, put the association with our lost love aside. A few months after my daughter's death, I saw a young woman wearing a plaid jacket similar to one my daughter had owned. I couldn't take my eyes off her. She even had similar coloring, the same long hair. For a moment I thought of going and speaking to her. Instead, I closed my eyes and prayed for this young stranger - for her life, whatever it was. I don't know that it did her any good, but it did me, and I went back to my reading. I will see the shadows of my grief everywhere, and move on. Of all the poems and articles I have read over that passed five years, I still find the following poem to be the most helpful. ~Theresa Heitz JUST FOR TODAY Just for today I will try to live through the next 24 hours and not expect to get over my child’s death, but instead learn to live with it, just one day at a time. Just for today I will remember my child’s life, not his death, and bask in the comfort of all those treasured days and moments we shared. Just for today I will forgive all the family and friends who didn’t help or comfort me the way I needed them to. They truly did not know how. Just for today I will smile no matter how much I hurt on the inside, for maybe if I smile a little my heart will soften and I will begin to heal. Just for today I will free myself from my self-inflicted burden of guilt, for deep in my heart I know if there was anything in this world I could have done to save my child from death, I would have done it. Just for today I will honor my child’s memory by doing something with another child, be it my own, or someone else, because I know that would make my child proud. Just for today I will offer my hand in friendship to another bereaved parent, for I do know how they feel. Just for today I will allow myself to be happy and enjoy myself, for I know that I am not deserting, him by living on. Just for today I will remember that even death cannot take away the special love we shared Just for today I will accept that I did not die when my child did; my life did go on; and I am the only one who can make life worthwhile once more.
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The Compassionate Friends Leesburg Chapter |
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