The Compassionate Friends Leesburg Chapter

Hello TCF Leesburg Members,

I apologize that our pages were not included in the Oct/Nov newsletter mailing. Due to circumstances beyond my control, our pages were inadvertently omitted. We are working to correct the problem. We also want to update our database so that we are not mailing newsletters to those who don't want to receive them. We also would like to compile an updated Leesburg TCF email list. Please let me know if you would like to receive your newsletter electronically. You are welcome to receive your newsletter by mail, email or both. PLEASE email theresaheitz@msn.com. If you are more than two years bereaved and we do not hear from you by January 15, 2009, we will assume that you do not want to continue receiving TCF material.

Thank you for your understanding and cooperation. We wish each of you moments of peace during this holiday season. The Leesburg Chapter of The Compassionate Friends

 

A Note from our Leesburg TCF leaders: My husband, Bernie, and I are the leaders of the Leesburg Chapter of Compassionate Friends. We welcome all of you to our meetings. Our beloved son Brian died by suicide on October 29. He was 20 years old. We know the heart- wrenching emotional pain bereaved parents must endure and the shattered dreams for the future. Each step of the grief journey is so painful and you need fellow travelers along the path, who understand what you are going through. We would like to come along side our fellow grievers and share their burdens by listening to them, offering them comfort and support, giving them time, caring for them, showing compassion and above all offering the gift of hope that we do not walk alone.

Rev. Simon Stephens, founder of the The Compassionate Friends (TCF), wrote the following passage on hope. “HOPE – It is the gift of hope which reigns supreme in the attributes of The Compassionate Friends. Hope that all is not lost. Hope that life can still be worth living and meaningful. Hope that the pain of loss will become less acute and above all else, the hope that we do not walk alone, that we are understood. The gift of hope is the greatest gift that we can give to those who mourn.”

We pray that hope will grow as we pass along love and help to one another.

Beverly Elero

 

Light One Candle 

Light one candle, take my hand.
Move closer to each other, all who want to smile again.
In this blessed time of year, with your sorrow and tears.
Come together to remember and to light one candle.

The light is for strength to face the pain welled up inside.
The light reminds us of shattered dreams, not to be denied.
The light is for courage to beckon others to our side,
For every tear we’ve cried. . .We light one candle.

 

We all know the reason that we value the flame.
It’s a commitment to each other, to remember every name.
And a promise made that in our hearts forever they’ll remain.
Out of love we came to light one candle.

 

In memory of David, by his father, James Nelson Minneapolis, MN TCF Atlanta Nov./Dec. 1997

 

 Note: We hope that you remembered your child, sibling or grandchild on December 14th during the yearly World Wide Candle Lighting event. ...that their light may always shine

  

Jeremy Lived

Because Jeremy was born, Becky became a mother.
Because Jeremy was ill, she became a nurse.
Because of bureaucracy, she became a defender.
Because Jeremy suffered, she joined in his pain.

When Jeremy died, she stood at the cross.
And even in death, Becky still is his mother.
Because Jeremy lived, we all feel his presence.
Because he is gone, we have our own little saint.
The world is not the same, because Jeremy lived.

By Gretchen Reeder, Jeremy’s grandmother August 16
In loving memory of Jeremy Joseph Reeder (12/5 – 8/12)

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NEWS

We have a website. Please visit http://www.tcfleesburg.org for more information. We thank Burton Simonds for being our webmaster. We welcome your input, poems, and ideas for improvement. The National TCF website: http://www.compassionatefriends.org/

Here’s another website that many of us have found to be very helpful: http://www.tcfatlanta.org/

 

THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOVE GIFTS

Kay Turley, in memory of her granddaughter, Page Mackenzie Johnson (7/23 – 12/3)

Please consider making a Love Gift donation in memory of your child, grandchild or sibling during the holiday season.  Our chapter runs solely on contributions from our members.  Each year we are required to send a portion of our proceeds to National TCF. We also make a yearly donation to St. James for the use of our meeting room. We also purchase books and materials for the newly bereaved.  Thank you for your generosity.

Please send love gifts to our treasurer Mrs. Anne Shattuck 224 Walnut Ridge Lane Palmyra, VA 22963 (Checks payable to: TCF Leesburg)

 

Our December Children Remembered

Keirston Ann-Michelle Caywood (Oct. 26 -Dec. 3) Daughter of Madeline and Morgan Caywood

Nicolas Andrew Chase (Dec. 12 – Dec. 12) Son of Lionel and Vicki Chase

Daniel Brian Earl (Oct. 6 – Dec. 9) Son of Kara and Mark Earl

Brian Patrick Elero (Dec. 30 – Oct. 29) Son of Bernie and Beverly Elero

Lily Jay (Dec. 19 – March 13) Granddaughter of Penny Dietz, Daughter of Emily O’Brien

Paige Mackenzie Johnson (July 20 – Dec. 3) Daughter of Trish and Dave Stoskus, Granddaughter of Kay and Roger Turley

Johnny Lender (Oct. 20 – Dec. 20) Son of John Lender and Sally Welch

Alexander Joseph Malacrida (Dec. 27 – Aug. 27) Grandson of Anthony and Anna Fasolo

Andrew Nisenfeld (Aug. 25 – Dec. 10) Son of Frank and Sue Nisenfeld

Matthew Pillor (Dec. 24 – April 9) Son of Monica and Mike Pillor

Jeremy Joseph Reeder (Dec. 5 – Aug. 12) Son of Rebecca Reeder

Richard Salvatore Roberto (Dec. 30 – Sept. 25) Son of Rich and Bonnie Roberto

Craig Matthew Shultz (Dec. 4 – Nov. 9) Son of Barbara Shultz

Brooke Thomas (Dec. 6 – Dec. 6) Daughter of Michelle and Jay Thomas

Our January Children Remembered

Taylor Mackenzie Canary (Jan. 10 – Aug. 13) Granddaughter of Linda Baker

Teresa Gail Gustafson (Oct. 16 – Jan. 29) Sister of Monica Lambert and Melinda Scott

Mark Howard (Jan. 9 – Aug. 2) Son of Marlys and David Howard

Shelby L. Huck (Feb. 27 – Jan. 17) Daughter of Julie Young

Zachary Lee (Feb. 5 – Jan. 7) Son of Doug and Julie Lee

Lauren Bartley Marshall (Mar. 22 – Jan. 30) Daughter of Donna and Ralph Goodrich, Granddaughter of Lucille Bartley, Sister of Mike Marshall

Thomas Marshall (Jan. 19 – May 11) Son of Andrew and Beth Marshall

Jessica Megan McClenahan (April 23 – Jan. 23) Daughter of Helena McClenahan

Ashley Myers (June 12 – Jan. 28) Daughter of Wynnie Myers

Collin Bedford Parker (Jan. 8 – Nov. 7) Son of Allie Parker

Keith B. Scofield (Jan. 29 – Jan. 2) Son of Josephine Regis

Callie Theerman (Nov. 26 – Jan. 2) Daughter of Elizabeth Pickett

Corrin Travis (June 26 – January 1) Son of Lynne Travis

Becky Sue Zalewski (Jan. 25 – Jan. 29) Daughter of Sue and Mark Zalewski

A Warm Welcome to: Laura P. Thomas, Monica and Mike Pillor, Andrew and Beth Marshall, and Jerri Lee and Hasan Wahdan.  We hope to be an ongoing source of encouragement and support. Grieving is exhausting and lonely. It can be helpful to listen and/or talk to others who understand the magnitude of your loss.

Leesburg TCF meets the first Wednesday of every month at 7:30 pm at St. James Episcopal Church in Leesburg. Please visit our website for more information. www.tcfleesburg.org Beverly and Bernie Elero, Leesburg Chapter Leaders 540-882-9707 or belero@aol.com

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A BOY FLYING HIS KITE

He kept adding more spools of string to make it go higher. A woman walked by and said, “You have that kite flying high.” The boy agreed. The woman left and went about her business. On her way back, she looked up toward the kite and said, “I do not see your kite.” The boy agreed. She asked, “Then why don’t you let go of it?” The boy answered, “I can’t. I can still feel it tugging.”

This is the plight of bereaved parents. TCF, Richmond, VA

 

PLEASE ASK
~Barbara Taylor Hudson, TCF

Someone asked me about you today.
It's been so long since anyone has done that.
It felt so good to talk about you, to share my memories of you, to simply say your name out loud. She asked me if I minded talking about what happened to you - or would it be too painful to speak of it.
I told her I think of it every day & speaking about it helps me to release the tormented thoughts whirling around in my head.
She said she never realized the pain would last this long.
She apologized for not asking sooner.
I told her, "Thanks for asking."
I don't know if it was curiosity or concern that made her ask,
But I told her, "Please do it again sometime - soon."
 

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, Love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~Author Unknown

Seeing death as the end of life is like seeing the horizon as the end of the ocean. ~ David Searls

 

I WILL BE

 If you think of me as gone forever,
I will be.
If you think of me as sadness and tears,
I will be.
If you think of me as your broken heart,
I will be.
That's not what I want to be,
but I will be.
If you think of me as memories to cherish,
I will be.
If you think of me as laughter and joy,
I will be.
If you think of me as your healing heart,
I will be.

That's what I want to be, please, let me be.

~ The Compassionate Friends magazine, We Need Not Walk Alon, Author Unknown

 

A LESSON IN GRAMMAR

If you are like me . . . I don’t want anybody to quibble with me about whether my son’s birthday is or was November 20, because (a) it is, and (b) it was, and (c) it always will be . . . and, as to whether I have or had two children, because (a) I do, and (b) I did, and (c) I always will have. ~ Mary Cleckley, TCF, Atlanta

 

 While looking for valuable information to include in this special newsletter, I came across this piece that I wrote in 2006. Two years have passed since I wrote this and as I read it again, it gives me hope. Do I still have tearful days? Of course I do. However, these days happen less frequently. I’ve learned that it is okay to have a bad day. I can choose to withdraw from work, family and friends and spend a day thinking about Adam. I may look at pictures, go through his childhood drawings or drive to the cemetery and sit at his grave listening to my Kenny Chesney CD “Who You’d Be Today.” I cry as I listen to the lyrics and wonder what Adam might be like today. I have a tearful day and then pick myself up and keep plugging along. I tuck my grief away and get back to work, family and friends. I know I’m going to be ok. I feel more joy than sadness, more hope than despair, and more light than darkness. May each of you have hope that life will be worth living once again. Fondly, Theresa Heitz, December 2008

THREE YEARS ALREADY

How have three years passed since Adam died? It’s September 2006. I’m trying to meet the newsletter deadline. I can’t seem to think. After dropping our daughter off at school, I pulled into the driveway and sat in the car. I burst into tears. I called Glenn at work. “What’s wrong?” he asked. In the silence he knew what was wrong. He asked if I was okay. I said, “I guess.”

These conversations are less frequent, however, they still happen after three years. The anniversary of our child’s death brings about anxious feelings. I find myself withdrawing a bit, realizing how life is going on around us and Adam’s voice is fading in my memory. I look at the picture taken in November 2000, our last family picture of the six of us. It is almost as if I’m looking at another family. I stare at Adam in the picture and I long to talk to him.

I know that many of my friends and family wonder why I still go to Compassionate Friends meetings. Why would I want to be sad every month? I think the best answer I could give would be that when a group of bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings gathers, there is unspoken understanding. We can laugh and not feel guilty laughing. We can cry and not have to explain what is wrong. In early grief we go to the meetings searching for help. As time goes by, we become the listeners. We come to offer hope. Not to mention that during our darkest hours, we made life-long friends.

Yes, three years have passed and I can’t help but marvel at how I have survived. Faith, family and friends keep me going.

~Theresa Heitz, Leesburg editor, Sept. 2006 In loving memory of my son Adam (6/24 – 9/25)